hav a sudden urge to blog after coming back from movies with jac n benny. it was supposed to be me n benny but jac chap-ji-ka (had her leg in our outing) cos her frens PANG SEH her eh. i'm good right, jac? where to find such frens? haha. joking =P

we caught Kungfu Hustle. was not up to my expectations but shall not spoil it by revealing the plot to ppl who are still very keen on catching it.

and National Treasure wasn't up to my expectations too. it was a little cliche. boo.

alright to my original motive. the following lines were picked up this year from sources. heh. n i thot they were quite original:

insulting line of the year: (specially dedicated to flamers who have been flaming comments in my blog. you know who you are.)

- "you can't even be a vegetable cos even artichoke has a heart."

lame line of the year:

- "suddenly the air is so fresh. cos u've just taken me for a ride."

christmas' jus round the corner and i'm HORRIBLY BROKE. DAMN IT.

baking cookies with jac n yan tmr and i'm contemplating a swim in the morning. know what it means? time to sleep. till then, have a great day!

mood: confused. dunno why.

i have seven ear-holes. not alot, but still pretty much. excluding the two ear-holes which i had when i was still a pre-schooler, the other five has its story. and i'm writing about this cos most of the ppl had been assuming i got them cos i was some kind of ar-lian.

let me first give u a brief introduction about the guy whom most of my earholes were pierced for. his name is jared fang - my ex. i got to know him when i was 16, and yes i admit i was kind of a delinquent who likes hanging around games arcade and yet was still rational enough to know that studies cannot be neglected. and games arcade was the place i got to know him.

he was two years older than me and was studying in a private school, taking o' levels the same year as i did cos he had just finished serving his term in boys' home.

he was attractive.

our relationship was hell of an unhealthy one which would head for doom inevitably, but i was too blind to see a thing. talking about stupidity, i would be the perfect personification for it.

i was constantly upset in the relationship, and i guess so are all my friends and family. i was everything but myself.

perhaps it was cos of the guilt i felt when i let sean (my previous bf before jared) down, i told myself i was going to make my next relationship work no matter what. hence my persistence in the relationship. physical pain was just a means to numb the pain i felt in my heart.

earhole 1 : he wouldn't take my call nor reply my message for 2 weeks. and i hadn't seen him for a month. i didn't noe what had happened or what did i do wrong.

earhole 2 : the big blow. he requested for a break-up after i called him to tell him i bought a present for him. i wanted him to have the present so badly that after the break up i went to his house, left it outside his door n silently wished him happiness.

we patched back a week after.

and in between this one week he got attached to two other girls.

earhole 3 : in a heated argument, he threatened me chairs can fly. and he does hav the guts to set fire to houses.

earhole 4 : shouted at me after i asked how he's feeling. left me stranded on the streets, crying. came back to fetch me a while after, but tht nite i asked him if it's that he would be happy only if i listened to everything he says. he gave me an answer i don't wanna hear.

we broke up eight months later. not cos i wanted to give up, but cos he couldn't see the point of continuing anymore.

earhole 5 : this guy i met in jc left me emotionally unstable n hurt cos he couldn't make up his mind about what he wants. i wanted it to serve as reminder that i'll not be making such silly mistakes again.

this is, but a part of the story of my life. i never looked back, cos it made me what i am today.

i woke up feeling like my head weighed a tonne. damn it, i know i'm going to fall sick again. again.

what a friday. but the only consolation is that i'm going to meet benny for dinner later! ya-ay! he's back from u.s, but not for good tho. i always enjoy an intelligent outing with him. haha. yeah he's so smart u wouldn't believe it. smart but not nerdy.

anyway, today discovery channel caught my attention (like always. i would choose discovery channel, national geographic n channel newsasia over soppy drama serials anytime.) they were showing a documentary where historians were trying to use modern technology to trace back the cause of Alexander the Great's death. and for your info, he died 2300 yrs ago. isn't it amazing?

n i totally enjoyed the journey back in time. they discovered that Alexander the G died of a slow poisoning process. physicians used small amounts of poison in the past as medicine to counteract illness, but in the case of Alexander G., he had a dose too many. which was quite a pity cos he was only 32.

and i think he has a slight inclination towards his own gender. opps.

alright, enough of gossip. back to me. I JUST COMPLETED READING DAN BROWN'S -THE DA VINCI CODE- and i think it's a thoroughly engaging and interesting read that once you started on it, it's hard to put it down. i don't wanna comment on the controversial issues he discussed inside the book, but i wanna applaud him for his writing style that totally captures the reader n the wide usage of facts to form a plot. cheers to good books. =)

oh and i went clubbing at chinablack again last wed. chanced upon pei rong n valerie there. n valerie, u're SO tall *envy* haha. i think i'm getting a little sick of clubbing. perhaps will stop clubbing for the rest of december.

okie, now for the informative part of the blog: (taken from a health mag)

The Seven Healthy Sins you should consume

[1] Avocado
replace mayo with slices of avocado in your sandwich. you'll save calories and boost Vit E stores.

[2] Caviar
for protein.

[3] Chocolate *gasps. heavenly~ haha!*
at least once a week, enjoy an ounce of chocolate for its disease-fighting antioxidants. Dark chocolate has more antioxidants than milk choc, tho.

[4] Lobster
for calcium, zinc and vit B

[5] Milkshake
When watching ur weight, reward yourseld with a calcium rich banana milkshake which will actually help burn fat.

[6] Shrimp
for protein.

[7] Wine
no need to wait until the weekend to imbibe. Toast ur heart health with a daily glass of wine - red provides the most health benefit.

isn't it cool that we should hav chocolates n milkshake like once a week? and wine/whine everyday? muaahahAHha.

n for those who dunno, do you know that p.s that we always use at the end of a letter/email actually means post script? mystery solved!

okie last line yeah, i think it's so cool to have an initial (especially a G.) behind a name like in the case of Ali G., Alexander the G. n my fren Samuel G. i want one too! haha.

alright, hav a good weekend =)

oh gosh, i am STILL very haunted by what i did tt nite when i was on an alcohol overdose. i seriously dunno how i'm going to face that person anymore. damn. please dun ask me what is it, i'm too embarrassed to say. n for those who noe, pls keep ur mouth shut. haha. i'm seriously dying from embarrassment. think i'm gonna hide from him for a year. hahahaha.

and i felt a little pricked when i saw what one wrote about it... roomie, u shud noe who is this girl. damn, i meant it when i say i really wasn't conscious of what i did. shit. this is the ONE big thing i really regret for this year. NO more alcohol intoxicification for me. saves me my dignity n my belly. urrgh. shiate.

talking about alcohol overdose. here is another reason why u shouldn't drink OVER your limit - ur feelings intensify.

i was happily sleeping yesterday nite. please also note that my sleeping hours had been HIGHLY irregular and i can only slp when the clock ticks four a.m. and there at 6.35 am, one highly drunk young man decides he shall create havoc by fighti ng n shouting on the top of his lungs OUTSIDE MY CORRIDOR. my bedroom's jus next to the corridor. the whole hoo-hah went on for about half an hr or more and i guess all my neighbours were jus too scared to go out n confront him n his frens who were trying to tame him. n he started smashing&nbs p;my mum's flower pots. n threatening to jump down. wtf.

n the police came.  

alright. peace came n i fell aslp all over again.

today looks fine enough for kayaking, you noe? *looks at zhiying cheekily* haha. but swimming will do fine too. tt's what i'm gonna do. swim to the bottom with jac. hahahaha.

and i've jus completed two seasons of Sex and the City. i'm sorry, roomie. i was jus SO hooked on it that i spent the rest of yesterday watching it. and i didn't leave hall till late. hahaha.

oh man, it's good. it's not exactly about sex, but somehow it made me reflect on women surviving in this fast paced society. damn. i was in fact quite affected.

anyway talking about corridor, when i was in primary one, when i first heard of the word corridor, i used to keep asking my english teacher where is the 'door' in corridor. hahahaha. well, my teacher gave up explaining to me. hahahah.

ah, i'm still SO very affected about my alcohol overdose behaviour towards him. i hope i won't ever get to see his frens. i may just suffer burns from embarrassment. shiate. help me!

sometimes when u feel that life is going at its best, something's gonna go downhill. being happy, isn't always. n everything seems like in a twirl, u're jus standing there in the middle wondering why is the world spinning so fast.

so fast.

i wonder what did i do to make u feel this way. my world jus crashed. cos u matter to me.

was working today and i came across this road name:

happy avenue central.

it exists! n it's in SINGAPORE. yes, ur DEAR SINGAPORE. oh my god! such a magical name. i wanna live there.

imagine ppl who are staying in happy avenue central are always happy. not a drop of sadness. not one tinge of frustration. not a hint of contempt.

i wonder how it would be like, to be living there.

where ppl are always happy.

truly happy or faking smiles?

went clubbing at chinablack yest. it's like always, but definitely not as packed as phuture.

i think 10 yrs been shaved off my lifespan, judging from the amt of alcohol i intoxicate myself with every freakin' week. yeesh.

been worrying abt the belly tt's ever expanding. but what-the-heck, there's always tomorrow right? *grins*

and learnt a lesson yesterday : never underestimate the power of alcohol. you may just commit something (when still unconscious) tt may change EVERYTHING. n i mean EVERYTHING.

been thinking alot abt this:

what do u measure a successful life with?

the number of checks u have on ur successful-life-list by a certain age?

or how happy u are at tt point in time?

i don't aim to have the best in life, i don't even aim to have the best of everything of tt seemingly perfect life,

but i aim to be the best tt i can be.

n being happy is part of it.

today i wanna drop a bomb shell to blow away all those freaking kiasu-kiasi singaporeans. FREAKING KIASU.

they would happily kill/murder/rape for one piece of CHEAP FREE GIFT. what the fuck?

i'm totally amazed/amused/bewildered/ ashamed at what these freaking kiasus can do to get a freaking free glass.

[1] re-enter the entrance, rubbing away the stamps on the hand, and act as tho they jus entered. for 5 times.

n tell us tt the previous woman is her twin.

yeah right.

it's absolutely cool for twins to wear the same make-up, style the same hairstyle n don the same clothes. absolutely COOL. at bloody mid-forties.

[2] just come inside the counter, grab the free gift n RUN AWAY like a gleeful child who got away with some sweets.

[3] "what? like tt also cannot give meh? i dun believe. I WANT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER."
meh, meh ur head can. meh the grass away lar, cheapo lamb.

ah, i'm tired. continue another day darlings =)

what does he want? tell what does he want? jus plain out to spoil my day isn't it?

dennis messaged me this morning asking me how i was doing and that he has finally gotten himself a friendster account.

SO i went to see it (note: see, but didn't add) and he posted up pictures of him n winnie taken back in 2002 and the caption is : Me and MY GIRL. WTF. and his status is that he's attached. coincidentally (or not) winnie's status is also in a relationship. tell me there's NO LINK in these two things, puh-lease.

URRGH. What the HELL does he want?????? last week he called me to tell me he wanted to meet me cos he needed someone to talk to. n i ALMOST fell for it. and called me the next day to tell me he attempted suicide. attempted suicide. suffering from depression. i thot of u. WTF!

SO? why did u come n find me? WHY NOT WINNIE? cos she's bloody in UK right?

i feel like stranggling him. URRGH. GO AWAY! SHOO!

time reads 2.22am. and i'm bursting with joy. =)

jus came back from catching "bridget jones' diary" with jiayan and i give the movie a feel good factor of TEN! it's that good. haha. well, at least for me it is!

probably it could be that catching this movie was a real last min decision and i feel crazy tt i'm so crazy! haha! me n jiayan were on our way walking from ORCHARD to DHOBY GHAUT cos she wanna catch her NEL n i wanna catch my bus home, and we decided tt we could do with some air con at plaza sing. n we thot tt it might be a good idea to walk round the place to see what movies are screening. and tt it would be good to catch a movie. hence bridget jones at 11.20pm. muAHaHAhAha. gosh i really feel SO GOOD. i can't remember when was the last time i did sth SO CRAZY. n anyway been doing lotsa FEEL GOOD things the past two weeks. =) shall talk abt them later.

back to bridget jones.

i wanna date someone like MARK MARCY in bridget jones. catch the show n u'll know why. n i simply adore renee zellweger. she's such a good actor, not exactly pretty but ende aring. the show's so witty, funny n touches my heart so much tt i shed a few tears. oh well, i just love this show. =) i love it.

and thanks to jiayan =) i love you! ah, i jus feel so good. lately been getting closer to my girl pals more than i ever did in my whole life and i wanna say: girls, i'm so glad i have all of u in my life. esp to my girl guides frens. n j cube. u all rock my world =)

and yesterday i went shopping with my ex-colleague, yan. it was supposed to be a shopping trip to buy clothes for my cuz's wedding but i bought nth! hahaha. n we ended up at K-BOX singing our time away when all we wanted to do was to check out the price. and we played pool! both are MY FAVOURITE *grins* and both were last min decisions. i'm cool man. haha!

ah, i have lots of things running thru my mind now but i'm too tired to blog. shall continue another day. =)

n... i'm loving myself more than i ever did. and it feels good.

love u guys always.

this is what happens after exams. null activity. everybody's busy. i'm sick. damn.

i'm so bored.

anyway, i rejected dennis' offer to meet up yesterday. say i'm cool uh, puh-lease. haha. it's was a rather hard decision tho. sigh. hope it's a good one.

n... i'm so bored. u're boring. haha!

hope everyone wakes up to bright sunshine n endless warmth!

okie, finally the entry that is dedicated to AFTER EXAMS. haha!

yeah~ exams are over, so are yoU! (kidding!) actually i don't really feel tt ecstatic... not exactly as ecstatic as i should be after taking 7 papers which stretched over 3 weeks! i think i deserve a pat on my shoulders. NULL social/family contact over the 3 weeks!

and anyway,

things i wanna do:

[1] go to KTV! i haven't sang (exclude bath time singing) with a microphone and a proper sound system for like 5 months!

[2] SHOP. n SHOP. n SHOP. oh, i forgot, n SHOP. haha! (i don't mind a little sponsorship, haha!)

[3] kick start SOME exercise regime cos i seriously need to lose weight!

[4] swim~ the swimming complex near my place has recently re-opened after some renovation and tt's a good thing!

[5] i need a tan. hopefully i can make trips to sentosa a weekly affair.

[6] i hope to learn to play the piano, hopefully pick up from where i left off donkey years ago.

[7] i desperately need a good read. i've been so deprived of good books (other than my chem, bio, phy, math, computing, effective communication books) ever since sch started. recommendations for good novels are warmly welcomed. =)

[8] i wanna club till i drop. plus chill out till the sun rises. n intoxicate myself with booze. haha! anybody wanna join me?

[9] i wanna go to the beach to CYCLE! n feel the wind!

[10] okie, i noe this will so cliche or whatever, but i hope to do some volunteer work at some homes or sth.

[11] ah. i'm brain dead now. haha! isn't it so weird tt whilst in the midst of exams you have SO many things you wanna do tt it's so distracting BUT once after exams you can't really remember what you wanna do and you don't actually fulfil them?

okie, i gotta turn in now. need to work tmr~ and by the way, i caught "the Incredibles". it's SO good. so much better than any other animated shows i caught. and it's so cool! plus points go to the adorable jack jack and how they manage to make their superpowers so COOL n CUTE! i just love this show! i recommend it!

blog under construction. please bear with the ugly colour combination and horrible fonts in the mean time. author is trying to find a more pleasing colour combination.

any disruption to reading pleasure is much regretted. HAHA. =P

AND ANYWAY, i wanna complain tt my ARCHIVES, dating from all the way back in oct 2003 to mar 2004, have GONE MISSING! WHERE the HELL have they all disappeared tO?

to dennis hwee yukiong:

Damn, i wish i was your lover
-by Sophie B Hawkins

That old dog has chained you up alright
Give you everything you need
To live inside a twisted cage
Sleep beside an empty rage
I had a dream I was your hero

Damn I wish I was your lover
I'll rock you till the daylight comes
Make sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything
Tonight I'll be your mother I will
Do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed

This monkey can't stand to see you black and blu
Give you something sweet each time you
Come inside my jungle book
What is it just too good
Don't say you'll stay
'Cause then you go away

Damn I wish I was your lover
I'll rock you till the daylight comes
Make sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything
Tonight I'll be your mother I will
Do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed

Shucks for me there is no other
You're the only shoe that fits
I can't imagine I'll grow out of it
Damn I wish I was your lover

If I was your girl believe me
I'd turn on the Rolling Stones
We could groove along and feel much better
I could do it forever and ever
Give me an hour to kiss you
Walk through heaven's door I'm sure
We don't need no doctor to feel much better
Let me in
Forever and ever and ever and ever

I sat on the mountainside with peace of mind
I lay by the ocean making love to her with visions clear
Walked for days with no one near
And I return as chained and bound to you

Damn I wish I was your lover
I'll rock you till the daylight comes
Make sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything
Tonight I'll be your mother I will
Do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed

i promised myself not to tear over him again.

but i jus broke tt promise.

i dunno why it hurts so much to realise tt dennis n winnie are still in such close contact after their supposed break-up,

but it hurts like hell.

to know tt i'm not even anywhere near there, to know tt i will never be as anywhere as important as she is to him.

to know no matter what happens, he will always be waiting for her and he'll always forgive her.

i just feel like such a loser. i'll never be as good as her.

i thot i was well over the whole issue, tht nothing about him mattered anymore. cos i dun need him anymore.

but the outburst of my emotions seem to prove otherwise.

i hate myself for feeling this way. what happened to all the months of trying to get over?

i want to get over him. 

i don't want to be such an emotional mess, ANYMORE.

tomorrow's my phy exam, and i am not even half prepared for it. i dunno why, but for the whole day my heart just can't settle down.

called home just now, dad picked up the call. we didn't say much and the call merely lasted a minute, but the conversation meant so much to me. the instant i put down the the call, tears started rolling down uncontrollably.

this is it. that's what my heart has been feeling uneasy all the time. i miss my family terribly.

dad's a rather traditional asian man, in the sense that we don't openly express our feelings to each other. but dad's simple gesture of concern always make me feel so touched. he's always the one who prepares medicine and takes care of his little girl when she is sick, checking her temperature every few hours during the night to make sure she's okay even when he has to work early next morning, and he's the one whom the little girl always hides behind whenever she's afraid.

dad never imposed his expectations on his little girl, he probably didn't even expect his girl to make it this far. he tries to give her whatever she wanted and all that he wants from her, is for her to be happy and healthy. but girl is always making him worried, sneaking out late at night and not coming till the wee hours of the night or for days even.

girl is feeling sth she has never felt before. freedom does not mean everything to her now. she just wants to be back home. talk to her ageing mum n dad, bring them out for tea and just to be with them.

and make up for the lost years.

i couldn't agree more with the editor on this situation in Singapore, tho i feel tt she probably wrote it cos she feels so very unjustified on the comment that the committee member suggested. actually i feel like kicking his ass too. haha!

men, don't get offended. this issue is just to raise awareness.

and to any religion extremist or whatever, i'm neither trying to use to this article to support abortion. dont't get it? read: i'm not encouraging women going for abortion.

taken from The Straits Times, 06 Nov, 2004:

THINKING ALOUD
Women have moved on but society's in time warp

By Zuraidah Ibrahim
Political Editor

EDUCATED women here have been getting the metaphorical black eye or two lately.

How's this for starters: This week, to snag some publicity for a birth control programme, a committee chided tertiary-educated women for going for abortions, citing how the number of abortions among this group had seen a three-fold rise since 1988.

Riding on this statistic, a committee member rued the sorry state of educated women, adding that some who went to his clinic for abortions told him they didn't want babies to block their career paths.

What these statements omitted to mention was the inconvenient fact that the total number of tertiary-educated women had also jumped - four-fold. In other words, the proportion of tertiary-educated women going for abortions has actually declined.

One wonders, too, if the doctor was too quick to suggest that married women were torn between child and ambition, as if these were the only factors at play.

The choice may not be so cut-and-dried. Even if work gets in the way, it is hardly fair to characterise all the women concerned as heartless climbers of the corporate ladder, the way some of these discussions are wont to do.

The woman may be driven more by fear than by ambition - the fear of companies not willing to hire pregnant women, or of juggling the bundle of joy and the burden of work with a husband who is not willing to share the load.

The main point that the committee was trying to make was a valid one: educated Singaporeans who are not ready for children should know better than to resort to abortions; they should avoid conception through birth control.

But, have you noticed how the onus is placed on the woman? The experts could have chosen to highlight the fact that a rising number of tertiary-educated men are making their wives pregnant before they are ready for it.

No, instead, the accusing looks are directed at the women. It is as if Singapore's men share no responsibility for birth control; as if they are innocents seduced into surrendering their seed by the predatory females of the species.

One doctor on the committee acknowledged that part of the problem could be that the gap between marriage registration and traditional ceremonies made it embarrassing for these women if they became pregnant.

This is revealing of the state of morality and men-women relationships here. But more of that later.

Next, witness the letters to the Forum page lamenting the Singapore woman's lack of womanliness, her 'barbed exterior' and her insistence on putting career above everything else. (what the farK?! *fuming!*)

The onslaught against the Singapore woman comes amid this vexing concern that more men here are marrying foreigners or keeping them as mistresses. The prevailing sentiment - if the letter-writers and these men who marry foreigners are to be believed - is that women here are too difficult and therefore deserve this fate of being passed over for foreign women.

The presumptuousness of these letters in assuming that every woman's desire is to be wedded is exceeded only by their sheer chauvinism.

What about the role men play? How do they contribute to keeping a relationship happy and healthy?

The discussions, while they may be passed off as just idle chatter, reveal much about the mindset that still govern all of our lives here.

Singapore women have made enormous leaps in education and many have become independent, strong-minded, driven people, no different from Singapore men bred on the same ideals.

But here's the rub: The men just have not kept up.

More of them seem to be caught in a time warp. A time when women stayed at home, cooked and took care of their men's needs or, in a slightly updated version, women went to work but still found themselves left with taking care of the house.

In the second version, the men want their women to be their economic equals. But in everything else, they want to be more equal than their women.

This mismatch between what Singapore women have become and what Singapore men still are is really the reason behind the recent letters berating women and why it's so convenient to place the blame on abortions by educated women - on only them.

Society has some catching up to do.

For some reason, a woman's advance is always measured in terms of trade-offs she must make - between career and family - whereas a man's is never that.

In politics too, women politicians are constantly being asked that question. Few of us journalists ever ask male politicians about the trade-offs they make.

This mindset seeps into many other decisions - including whether to have or keep the baby. The responsibility of keeping the baby as implied by the doctor rests with women.

And worse, for those women who have to get rid of their babies because they have not gone through their traditional vows, why the insistence on face? What is being transgressed here? Society's expectations that a couple must not have copulated before marriage? Or, the veil of hypocrisy that it goes on but let's not tell the whole world? (okie, i'm not too sure and don't agree totally about this point. do people really have such an attitude/metality now?)

If the marriage is legal, so should the baby-making be.

But no, for the sake of maintaining some myths about female virginity and tradition, abortion is the chosen way out.

The expectations on Singapore women are huge. At the workplace, they are supposed to be equal to men even though they earn less. At home, they contribute to the family income yet bear the larger burden of rearing children.

Yes, I know, there will be men who will say they are doing their fair share, they are as liberated as their women.

I have met these specimens too and some are very dear to me, but I would hazard a guess they are not the overwhelming majority of men.

For all that they have delivered, Singapore women have a right to be demanding and, yes, difficult even.

And if women decide not to have children, don't be quick to blame them. Men, and the rest of society, should also look at themselves in the mirror. -- E-mail stpol@sph.com.sg

i'm crazy, i gotta listen to this song when i wake up every morning, watch the mtv jus about everyday. but's it's jus so.. melancholic sad.. that it draws me.

"She Will Be Loved" - Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all the things that make you who
you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her
every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

urrgh, i jus need a channel to vent my frustrations.

i was doing maths jus now and the same equation gave me different answers (5 to be exact) each time i try to solve it! yeesh. and my maths questions aren't those u-can-solve-in-2-mins kind, they are those maybe-10-mins-still-can't -get-it-type. can u imagine my frustration? and i'll be having my exams in two days' time *pukes*

what the hell.

i thot sch jus started?

yeesh.

and they are like squeezing jc's two years work into 3 bloody months.

and some of the modules that i'm taking now, i've never taken before.

and somehow.... maths always seemed to be the one giving me the most prob all the time (all my life i think) like...

in pri 1... i had maths remedial!
and in sec1... i had maths remedial!
and in j1... i had maths remedial! (well actually all the 4 subjects i was taking i had remedial for ALL of them. yeah i'm that lousy (initially, haha!). BOO HOO!)

so i shall try to convince myself that maths is actually peanuts (!) by repeating "ME LOVES MATHS (!!!)" a hundred times. hope tt helps! boo HOO!

and talking about squeezing....

the other day i was shopping at jurong point (jp),

 (and u west babies who reside there should know that the crowd at jp is horribly congested/jammed on monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday and EVERYDAY!

and u thot that the west side is not happening. hur hur, how wrong can u get! it's more happening than orchard!)

i got SO irritated with the crowd because they jus kept pushing and not moving and knocking into me and it is all so irritating because i was carrying BAGFULS of GROCERY.

but guess what?

i snapped my fingers and THEY ALL DISAPPEARED!

*GASPS!*

u wished!

sob! i hate the crowd at JP!!!!!

alright, enough of nonsense. me love maths = time to do maths! (boo-ho0!)

take care my darlings~ i'll be missing for a few days because aliens from zkyen planet will be taking me to their planet for a tour.

p/s: i am SO VERY addicted to maroon5's "she will be loved" now.

this entry is written in a spur of a moment. any feelings invoked to be ignored please.

read sth just now and i'm feeling quite affected by it. i know it's directed at me, but i shall not comment further on what the said person wrote.

how do you define what is a best friend?

will you be able to forgive if when in a bottomless pit, he/she turned you away straight in the face when all you need is just a listening ear?

is that betrayal?

would you feel so hurt?

will you entrust all your faith in this friendship anymore?

if it's come to a point that both of you are going in different directions  in terms of mentality, maturity and goals, would it still be possible to sustain the relation?

will it be strained?

these questions, i've been battling for years. i've never reached a conclusion. 

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it's not that i don't care. it's just that i can't get over it.

the tangle in my heart.

given

a presentation today. think was quite lousy. bo0-hoo~ no more last min work! i feel so indebted to myself. =(

learning

to use the mouse using left hand so as to ease the tension on my right shoulders. ouch! and also learning to take things/myself/life easy. it can only get as complicated as you want it to be.

craving

for baker's inn coupe cheesecake ice cream with a cup of hot latte.

feeling

lousy now cos of the presentation which i stupidly screw up. however, been feeling better than i ever did. can't explain why, but been feeling GIRL POWER more than i ever did! wo0-hoo!

in the mood for

a good sleep. i really need it. i'm tired. mentally shagged. plus it's raining/pouring/thunderin g/lightning-ing over here at the extreme west side of singapore and my cosy bed is just beside me. but the thunder is so loud it's deafening.

dreading

the exams! sob!

looking forward to

after exams =) crazy supper nights~ and my cousin's wedding. i'm going to be her "jie mei" and i've never really seen/experienced the making of one whole wedding before. but first i need to slim down!

loving

myself more than i ever did. my family. my friends. =)

wishing

that i'll have a good dream tonight =)

love u guys.

this mail stirred a little emotion in me, made me feel a little touched n i felt a little sad. =(

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/l etter.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/l etter.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...">

there i did it AGAIN. somebody jus knock my head, please.

i squeezed my tube of facial wash onto my toothbrush, again! arrgh. luckily i didn't put tt into my mouth. imagine how i cringed when i did tt the previous time. happily brushing my teeth n realising it tastes different. i'm pretty sure i'm not alone.. haha, u ppl out there guilty of this silly act better own up!

anyway, today i feel like hollering. yes, hollering at u guys, esp guys from boys' school.

what's with all the thing that you guys think girls from girls' school are MORE attractive, has the x-factor, has more confidence BLAH.

and that guys fr boys' sch are more attracted to girls fr girls' sch.

urrgh.

it's so irritating.

i jus discovered this interesting fact like this month? and the more guys i asked the more infuriated/irritated/disg usted i become.

i have nothing against girls fr girls' sch (except for times when they try to act all cute n dizzy n salivey near any cute guys) but i'm jus feeling a little(well, not really. perhaps ALOT?) unjustified over this stupid perception tt some (i'm jus only trying to sound politically correct) guys have.

i know this argument is not going to get anywhere. so...

to hell with all these perceptions. i'm not going to get bothered by all these. not going to feel tt girls from girls' school are really MORE attractive and feel less attractive by this self-imposed perception. WE (girls from mixed schs) can be oozing with confidence too ya. example: ME! wahHAahhaha =P

okie, i'm a little lazy to blog now. i have like 2 tests and one presentation to prepare for this week. urrgh. why didn't anyone tell me uni is going to BE like this? i happily entered uni with the mentality tt it's going to be slack (they told me so. dun ask me who. everybody!). well, at least slacker than jc. oh gosh.. how wrong can this myth be.

nitez my darlings =) i still love all of you. n me. n you. n me. n me. hahahah =P

time now is 6.30am, monday morning of a NEW week!

i'm wide awake, trying really hard to do my tutorials. gosh i really have lots of catching up!

know what's the best part?

it's raining now! boo-h0o!! what a fabulously fantastic time to snore away in bed. ah...

oh ya, i woke up so many hrs earlier cos i had wanted to do both my physics n chem tutorials. BUT, i just realised that i do not have the phy tutorial for today cos i didn't print! ah-ha! so i decided, nevermind it's okay, i can still get it online. BUT, my school's server IS down. bo0-hoo! to think i ambitiously woke up 4 hrs earlier to get my tutorials done. and now here i am blogging away cos i can't do my work!

anyway, over the weekend, i went to catch a show with my primary school friend choon kiat. yes, we've been friends for more than a decade, 12 yrs to be exact, but there is simply NO sparks between us! oh, and i can't imagine ever dating him tho i did try to visualise before because it JUST feels so INCESTFUL! oh, dun ask me why. it just feels so.

we went to catch 'the terminal' and i've been wanting to catch that even before it started screening. ah, finally the long wait is over.

i think the show is relatively good =) i mean how bad can a show get when you have TOM HANKS (whose forte is acting in such a show, i think) and CATHERINE ZETA JONES (who looks so absolutely lovely!) as its casts and STEVEN SPIELBERG as its director?

so the show went on to talk about this guy victor (tom hanks) who got trapped in an airport terminal because his country got into a war when he arrived in usa. hence, the states classify him as nationless. it went on to depict how tom hanks survive w no money blah and how it is SO very important to have compassion and kindness. =) btw, jus a side track, i am SO very attracted to guys with a kind heart. hah!

strongly recommended (by me, of course! =))

and anyway, before the show started and while we were trying to kill time, me n kiat decided to make use of the gadgets that were on me which are my laptop (to play pinball!) and handphone.

so here's it! :

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/P icture16.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/P icture16.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...">

oh i think we look like two small kids =)

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/P icture14.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/P icture14.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...">

there, how do i look with my new specs? dun i look so SMARTY-PANTS? haha. i decided i want to irritate people by trademarkly pushing up the side of my specs and give a look of intelligence/arrogance/ha ughtiness when people ask me a question. haha! i'm so sorry my dearest frens who hang ard with me SO MUCH. u've gotta bear with me when u meet up with me!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/s exyhaha.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/s exyhaha.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...">

oh and my ang mo fren said i look sexy in this. i almost FAINTED. such bad taste! haha, opps and this is my roomie. i promised her not to publish this pic online, but i still did! she said we look gross, and i couldn't agree more with her. haha, i better remove it before she sees it.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/P icture046.jpg" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/weiting/P icture046.jpg" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...">

this is also taken during my hall's dinner n dance. how sloppishly/distastefully dressed are we.

alright i shall stop here. =) have a great MONDAY (boo-ho0!)

things i could never understand:

1. why are people so lazy sometimes to spell out a complete word when the acronyms they type is usually ONLY one letter less like:

come = CUM.

HE can't come today becomes he can't cum today.!??
ah u see, an innocent word becomes an innuendo.

2. why do people TyPe lIkE tHIs. iT mAkeS thE rEadInG sO uNcOmFoRtAbLe aNd u cAn pRacTIcALLy sKiP ar0uNd yOuR rOoM wItH tHe rhYtHm oF tHe WorRdS. uRRGH. unDeRsTanDaBLe fOr 16-yRs oLd sTiLL aCtInG CuTe.. BUT ppl iN ThEiR tWeNtIEs?

3. i know some people have got a super long breath but not me(!) omg i practically have to hold my breath with the sentence because it has no bloody punctuations and sometimes it makes the whole sentence not-comprehensible and yes i'm going to continue writing with no punctuations because i know it's going to drive you all crazy haha (!) too bad too bad i can see u gasping for air!

4. people, it is NOT definately. it is spelled DEFINITELY.

5. why am i saying all these on my blog? haha. it's jus my personal opinion. take no offence, please =) love u guys!!

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anyway, yesterday my itchy fingers went to search for winnie's friendster profile AGAIN and of course i felt so depressed n affected after tt. i JUST can't help feeling she's so pretty n me... SOB!

why the hell am i feeling this way?

why the hell am i having such low confidence about myself? at least i know my heart is purer than hers. so why should i feel so about myself?

it's SO unbeautiful to feel so low about myself. SO UNPRETTY. SO NOT ATTRACTIVE. bo0-hoO!

so today i shall present to myself and to all of u, QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"Being beautiful is nothing next to feeling beautiful."